Love as You Want to Love
The most meaningful kind of love is the love we feel for ourselves.
When we truly value, accept, and respect who we are, we naturally open ourselves to being respected by others—and to respecting every form of love in return. From that place of self-acceptance, life begins to flow freely within the emotional world.
When we don’t love ourselves, the opposite happens.
We build barriers, experience disappointment, and block our own emotional and sentimental fulfilment. And this has nothing to do with vanity.
Vanity and arrogance are not forms of love—they are forms of fear.
True self-love is about valuing ourselves as we are, without confusion or excess. Only then can we be fully prepared to receive the good things that life has in store for us.
Love Is Understanding and Respect
One of the clearest proofs of love can be seen in couples who have shared 60 years together.
Not because they lacked temptation, but because they built their relationship on understanding and respect. They know who they are, and they understand that the true essence of love lies in mutual care and comprehension.
There is no room for infidelity where love is authentic—because when someone truly fulfils your needs and desires, respect comes naturally.
Kindness, benevolence, and goodwill—known in Buddhist philosophy as Metta—perfectly capture this idea of love.
Loving With the Whole Brain
In my view, love should involve the entire brain—the chemical and emotional orchestra that defines connection:
- Dopamine: Associated with pleasure and motivation. It’s what makes everything feel possible and exciting.
- Adrenaline: Present at the beginning of love, creating euphoria—sweaty hands, nervous smiles, blushing cheeks.
- Oxytocin: The bonding hormone, strengthened through touch, affection, kisses, and intimacy.
If you’ve felt these sensations with the same person for a long time, you are truly fortunate—and most likely, in the right place.
Self-Love Is Not Egoism
When we talk about self-love as the foundation of all love, we cannot ignore the words of Jorge Bucay:
“If I don’t think about myself, who will?
If I think only about myself, who am I?”
Taking care of ourselves—loving, protecting, and valuing who we are—is often confused with egoism. But self-esteem and egoism are not the same.
We usually know everything about the person we love: how they relate, what they enjoy, how they want to live their life beside us.
Yet we often forget ourselves—what we want, what we feel, and what we need as individuals.
“I Can’t Live Without You” vs. “I Can’t Live Without Me”
“I can’t live without you” is a frightening phrase.
I would replace it with something far more honest and powerful:
“I can’t live without me.”
We dedicate ourselves to making others happy—understanding them, caring for them, giving them what they need.
So why not start doing the same for ourselves?
That’s where love becomes clean, free, and constructive—for both people.
Because if there is one person you will spend your entire life with, it is yourself.
