The best love is the one we feel towards ourselves because when we really value ourselves, we accept ourselves and love ourselves, we are open to being respected and to respect every form of loving and like this or because of this we understand that life begins to flow in the world of the emotions.
When we do not love ourselves precisely the opposite happens to us; we place barriers, we end up being disappointed and we are opposed to receiving our own sentimental and emotional satisfaction. It has got nothing to do with vanity.
You can never define vanity and arrogance as love, but rather as fear and it is important not to confuse it; we have to value ourselves as we are and love ourselves in order to be fully prepared for all the good things that destiny holds for us.
The most irrefutable proof of love is shown by those old couples who have managed to stay together for 60 years without any motives or sufficiently strong reasons for them to succumb to infidelity or lack of respect or understanding. They know just who they are and that the true existence of the essence of love is understanding and respect.
There’s no room in love for infidelity since the other person fulfils your needs and desires in an absolutely satisfactory way.
Kindness, benevolence and goodwill: known in the Buddhist belief as “Metta”: the definition that perfectly captures the Buddhist notion of love.
In my opinion, you have to love with the entire brain; that is to say, by involving the multiple substances that the brain emits when we are in love:
1-Dopamine; associated with pleasure, it’s the one responsible for blinding us to our partner so that everything seems to be going well and we feel motivated.
2-Adrenaline; it is secreted in the beginning of getting hooked on the other person, creating a feeling of euphoria, we sweat, we become nervous, we blush…
3-Oxytocin; a hormone that always increases when we are in love, reaching its limit with orgasm, building up with caresses, strokes, kisses…
If you have been fortunate enough to feel them for a long time with the same person you are lucky and there is no question that you are with the right person.
While talking about this love of oneself as the main form of loving, we can’t overlook the words of Jorge Bucay:
“If I do not think about myself, who will do so… If I think about myself, who I am.”
The idea of looking after oneself, loving oneself, taking care of oneself, protecting oneself are ideas and terms that are directly related with what, in principle, are opposing terms: self-esteem and egoism.
We know all about the person that we love, how they relate, how they like to live their life beside us, but we frequently forget about ourselves, about what we like to experience ourselves as individuals, of our place in our own existence.
What a terrible phrase, “I can’t live without you” is. I would even replace it and share it with everyone as the following: “I can’t live without me,” just as Bucay points out.
How we love doing what makes the other person feel happy, giving them what they really want, understanding them, caring for them, spoiling them, we make efforts to ensure that they are as happy as possible with us and with their life but, how about we start doing it with ourselves?
That is how one starts to love in a way that is clean, free and constructive for both, loving ourselves from the starting point of loving oneself because if there is anyone with whom you are going to spend the rest of your life, it’s with yourself.