It is a question that I have always asked myself personally: could a young man— let’s say 11 years younger—fall in love with me?
Anyone who has found love, passion or pleasure should consider themselves fortunate and not penalised on account of their age.
As far as society is concerned, the fact is that seeing an older man with a young girl or an older woman with a young boy is judged harshly despite the commonly held belief that when it comes to love, age doesn’t matter.
We are all different, but in this case, I think it is the only thing in which we are all equal – we are all looking for love, to be respected and loved, to feel, regardless of whether you get butterflies in your stomach or your hair stands on end: the main thing is to feel. From the baby who is born and cries to feel the skin that warms them to the old person who is dying and wishes to feel that close hand full of love during their last moments.
What matters is LOVE.
If we based ourselves on that—simply the baby and the old person—to love regardless of age would be justifiable, but being the realists we are, we all know that it is not. Even though an older man with a young girl is regarded in a more tolerant way and does not attract attention, when it comes to an older woman with a young boy, it is a different case altogether. The typical comment is “Look at the old woman, for sure she’s stinking rich and that poor sucker is waiting to get his hands on the money”. That’s how mean people are. They speak badly of others, they envy, they judge and condemn.
Things are changing and there are more and more women who are older than their lovers or partners and the prefabricated notion about young men who don’t want to be with women who are older than them is crumbling away.
In this respect, celebrities have helped us a great deal, to the delight of many elder women and younger men.
I ask myself what reasons would a woman have to choose a man much younger than her, and it doesn’t take me long to answer: the freedom to love without limits, to enjoy and let yourself be carried away by passion and emotion.
The man is fortunate in being able to learn from the woman who enters his life, for however long they are together, both in and out of bed; finding out who she really is on the inside is what most makes a young man fall in love with a mature woman – it is one of the priorities. Obviously, without attraction at first sight, there’s no chance of it happening at all.
But letting yourself be carried along by love’s vitality is an act of generosity towards yourself; it breaks with the old-fashioned myth that an older woman will never be loved by a young man unless it is out of self-interest.
You do not have to be Madonna or Demi Moore to deserve and be fortunate enough to feel the passion that a man offers you. Women themselves are the ones who put an end-by date on their erotic feelings and not their age; we can experience our sexuality in a healthy, full and much more pleasurable way at 40 than at 20. Women’s new lifestyle prolongs their youth thanks to the good habits they are adopting in terms of diet, health, taking care of themselves physically, sport and general lifestyle.
Be confident about the path that your experience and your heart tell you to follow. There is nothing wrong with not having a partner or being in love, but it’s really nice waking up with a man beside you who looks at you and caresses you or simply whispers in your years the words that will give you that vital energy that we like so much. Don’t let it bother you that they are younger, don’t even bear it in mind; age is irrelevant when it comes to love, so don’t think twice about breaking any pattern that stops you from enjoying a fulfilling sexual and emotional relationship.
The essence, the soul of people is not found in their biography; if they make you feel happy, vital, energetic, beautiful and content don’t focus on their age but commit yourself to them and enjoy: they could be the best companion for you and if they are not, it will always be a good way to grow and develop as a lover. Love goes, comes, and carries you away: it all depends on the emotional maturity of each member of the couple and the way they create a bond so that they can go on a shared journey full of passion and understanding.
Love can cure anything. Don’t let yourself be pigeonholed by society’s rules. The best thing is knowing that love is free; it’s given and taken freely, so the more sure of yourself you are, the better you will relate to others.
All couples have crises and fights, but the important thing when it comes to overcoming them is that they should have a strong sexual bond, similar values, compatible characters and shared short-term or long-term projects, or simply shared agreements about loving that have been previously agreed.
I find the writings of the psychologist, Rafael Santandreu, (I would like to finish this article with him) very appealing. I particularly agree with his theory about love between young men and older women when he writes that he really regrets the fact that women let themselves be straitjacketed by so much limiting prejudice. His message is strong and very interesting as well as to the point: why can’t older women love and be loved by younger men without feeling the guilt and shame that society imposes?
Women will always project wisdom and emotional certainty: the basic tools to satisfy their lovers.