So-called open relationships—or what comes down to the same thing, the freedom of loving two people at the same time—have been revealed and talked about and they have caused quite a stir.
It is a relationship option that does not suit those who find monogamy romantic.
People come to this alternative style of loving in search of new patterns either innately or after having learnt a lesson owing to false loves, bad experiences, disappointments. The fact is that couples are leaving behind emotional exclusivity more and more.
Polyamory isn’t for everyone: indeed, despite the huge increase in the number of people who are already following it as a model, it still remains a little-known kind of relationship.
It’s about wanting freedom and it has got nothing to do with people who are unfaithful or corrupted in matters of the heart.
But not everything in this kind of relationship is perfect and marvellous: if you want to achieve it you have got to be really sure of what you want and what you are willing to offer, and even more importantly, to what extent you want to give because love does not take away and you can love two people at the same time without feeling either jealous or insecure—because doing so will only backfire on you. Love triangles are real if they complement one another and that’s because no-one is better than anyone else and that is why there is no place for jealousy: we are all different and we add to one another.
Multiple relationships are intrinsic to human beings and the proof of it is the number of couples who have been unfaithful or who have chosen, at some point during their relationship, to go off with someone else before returning to the nest afterwards.
I recommend you read the book, “More Than Two” by Franklin Veaux.
It would be going too far to say that complete and certain love exists because it does not, let alone maintaining it over time.
As far as passion is concerned, it starts off in an accelerated, increasing way during a period of time before it subsequently begins to decline as it passes through different stages and cohabitation until it becomes settled, regardless of whether it’s in traditional or polyamorous couples: we can count on it.
I have known a number of people who—unsuccessfully— have tried to convince their partners to try out polyamory and the result has been unpleasant and painful. It’s a journey that has to be undertaken freely, without being forced.
It is always important to make your rejection of monogamy explicit in order not to create false expectations among other people and to let the other person make up their own mind.
Let us explain and try to understand polyamory with some small yet specific and concise definitions:
-Is it the same thing as polygamy?
Not at all.
Polygamy takes place in a marriage made up of more than two elements whereas polyamory is not concerned with marriage nor are there any limits to the number of people involved or their gender.
-Is everyone who practices polyamory bisexual?
No, not at all.
It is a very open way of loving that attracts all kinds of people. In the same way, not all of them are promiscuous and having sexual relations may or may not even be part of it.
-How do they deal with jealousy?
Everyone wants to be unique and acknowledged by their partner and that is why certain ground rules have to be laid down in order to establish one’s self-confidence so that you can be polyamorous. However, if you still feel jealous the best thing is to talk to the other person practising poly with you and try to redefine the ground rules.
-Are swingers the same thing as polyamory?
People who swap partners tend to be those in monogamous relationships who, depending on the situation, want to experiment with having sex with other people without any kind of emotional bond whereas polyamory is a connection that is established based on love among a number of people without necessarily ending up in sex.
–Where can I find and get to know people practising it?
It does not have a very high profile but events are regularly held where you can get to know people on Facebook and Twitter in Barcelona and Madrid, although the truth is that in Spain it is still very new and the members of those groups don’t exceed approximately 1000 people, but it’s easy to join.
Awareness, honesty and communication are the bases of a successful polyamorous relationship.