Over the course of my life I have never been rejected by men; quite the opposite, without wanting to appear vain I can say that I have been more or less successful depending on who you choose to compare me to. However, until Juan came along, no-one had ever rejected me.
One summer, since both of us used to spend summers in Cádiz, for the first time I was the one who decided to show interest to a man who was eight years older, very handsome, tall, thin and attractive, classy and sensual. For me, he was the love of my life and despite everything he still is to this very day.
Luckily, he accepted my declaration and we began a mini-relationship that, much to my dismay, was very short-lived but very intense.
When the summer came to an end, his addiction to women-something I did not know about-took him back to the life he had always led; open relationships, Internet dates, work colleagues…. In the end, everyone chooses what they want for their life and relationships; he chose the path he had been following for so many years and I don´t judge him for it, I have no right to: whatever makes us happy is ok.
But it left me very disoriented because that is not how he appeared to me in our intimate moments together.
What I want to share with you is the sexual relationship I experienced with this man because it was something new to me and, at the same time, it unbalanced me for several months to the extent that I decided to find out more about his illness to know whether it was something he decided on his own or whether it was a result of his diabetes and depressive tendencies.
On the few occasions we had sex he did not get an erection. I always thought it was because he didn´t find me attractive, I wasn´t the sort of woman he liked, that he was simply going through a period of sentimental holiday and that was why he accepted me.
All of this was the result of my ignorance of the effects of diabetes on sex. Because of this, I didn´t treat him well; I played mind games with him, I was insecure and all that.
In the end I came to the conclusion (I let you know in case you go through the same thing), that there are few things that can erode a man´s self-esteem as much as the inability to maintain an erection long enough to bring a pleasurable sexual relationship to a successful conclusion.
That was what led to his mood changes when the sex was over; he became cold, distant and pensive. Was it the frustration he surely felt and never told me about?
Girls, you must know that in men with diabetes erectile dysfunction is common because of its disruption to the circulation and nerves. This produces a lack of self-confidence and makes it even more difficult for them to face up to a relationship with confidence for fear of failing and that is why there is not much communication with their partner because they are afraid that the other person may misinterpret some forms of behaviour, which is what happened to me, thinking that it was my fault, that he didn´t find me attractive, that there were other feelings, believing that it was because he didn´t desire me as a woman.
I did not make it easy for him either but today I can tell you for sure that it is possible to enjoy sexuality, it´s just a case of thinking about it and trying to improve communication.
Our communication broke down.
Getting to know your partner´s body along with good communication is the best way to pleasure. I had a lot of pleasure with Juan despite the fact that he did not get the erection we women are used to; I recognise that Juan did not need it for me to feel totally satisfied during the act. Clearly, he did not see it like that; he wanted things to go differently, I guess, to go like they normally do.
I did not understand anything about the way he behaved after sex and that is why I have learned how to behave when I am with a man who has diabetes; something I want to share with you that I am sure will be of use to you.
The role played by women is very important both in terms of motivation and in terms of solutions for dysfunction in men given that they might feel lots of desire for you but are still not able to produce a physical reaction.
If a woman wants and decides to, she can have a very positive influence on solving problems with erections. Stimulating the man, proposing changes and being open to new experiences is the best approach.
In a couple communication is vital; you have to talk about erotic areas, find them, feel them, and talk about them. The skin is the source of sensations and knowing this along with gentle, sweet stimulation you will achieve the perfect relationship, discovering that the entire body is an erogenous zone, all of it is a G spot regardless of the size of the penis and the erection.
Very few men seem to know that the most sensitive part of the vagina is found in the first 2 cm of the entrance (vulva) which means that the size of the penis has very little to do with a woman’s pleasure. And that’s without bearing in mind that the tissues of the vagina contract when they are stimulated; it is capable of applying pressure and adapting itself to the penis. Equally, the clitoris reacts to touch and if you also remember the importance of the G point in winning it is easy to conclude that penetration and size are relatively unimportant.
When love, desire and willingness are present the latter are unimportant because a man knows how to make a woman feel really good. Don’t let it become an obstacle to enjoying your sex. It is not an illness, it is something to keep in mind when you are having sex; it may even be more pleasurable given that the foreplay goes on for longer and a couple tends to get to know one another more and better. It helps to increase trust and intimacy; orgasms a more pleasurable and he will get to know your partner’s body better.
Masturbation, suggestive words, games, kisses, caresses…….
Diabetes is not a black spot in a relationship, experience it to the utmost. It’s never too late to renew a relationship with your partner, it is not a problem.
I never had sexual relations with Juan again; he went to live in Canada. But I was fully active sexually and that is why I say that the woman who is in this situation is a woman to be envied but that sexuality is something you have to work on because it’s worthwhile and having a bad attitude may lead to a lack of erection made worse by diabetes.
It’s worthwhile finding out and acting on it; just what I was missing.
The best sex I had, my best love, my best lesson. Juan